I'm a cat guy. I like dogs too, but I've only owned cats.

Currently we are a three-feline family: two Siamese brothers named Ricky and Bobby, and a ragdoll/shorthair mix named Niko. I've also had a tabby and a polydactyl American shorthair. What does this mean, other than all my furniture is scratched, and I can't walk out of the house wearing a suit without meticulously using a military-grade lint roller?

I've scooped a ton of lincoln logs.

This post will be short, sweet and chock full of activated carbon odor control.

For those of you venturing into the litter world, or those of you who are already there, the key to scooping poop is this: You must take some with you for your dead homies. Meaning you should not try to be frugal by sifting too much. Leave too much behind and you will create the house where before people immediately say, "Oh, you have cats! How nice!" And that’s before they even see your pets.

When you scoop, do so in a quick manner and take the litter surrounding the bi-product. Then quickly move it into the chosen receptacle. I like Publix plastic bags, but admittedly they are slipping in quality. Recently I’ve seen the dreaded dual mold holes in the bottom. Bastards.

I also buy one of those “the-zombies-are-coming”- sized bags of baking soda from Costco and drop a cup of it into the witches’ brew about once a week. I suggest scooping twice a day if you have the time, or face the wrath of finding tootsie rolls in the tub.

Hope this helps – I'm audi.